The Emperor’s Rules – World’s Best* F1 Blog

I am now the Emperor of Formula 1. I am Mr. Liberty (Mr. Media? Whatever). I am the one who knocks.

And with my newfound powers, I have some ideas for ways to improve our beloved sport. I have some ideas that might turn it upside down. Here is the World’s Best* version of Formula 1.

  • Australia. Season opener. Forever.
  • Every year on the Thursday at Bahrain, a lottery is held to determine which of the three layouts will be contested for the weekend.
  • Make Monaco abide by the 305km rule. More Monaco. Always more Monaco.
  • Each team shall have one joker livery to use each season. Whether it’s a different color scheme, new design style, or raw carbon fiber, every team must have one weekend a year where they redesign the livery.
  • Wave a white flag for the final lap. No more of a guy just sticking his finger out a window. Leave the fingers for cricket umpires.
  • We have three tire compounds each weekend. All three must be used.
  • I don’t much care for the season finale being in Abu Dhabi. I think we need to change the finale to Kymi. In December.
  • The start at Monaco is a bit cramped so let’s change it up. All the drivers will start standing in the swimming pool. When the lights go out they must get from the pool to their car as quickly as possible (dunking a fellow driver under momentarily to gain advantage shall be allowed). Once in the car it’s a classic Le Mans start to get out of the pits and onto the track to start the race.
  • The Miami track shall be amended so the cars go through the stadium.
  • Annual European events in perpetuity: Britain, Monaco, Italy, Belgium, Germany, Hungary.
  • European events put into a rotation: France, Netherlands, Spain, Portugal, Turkey, San Marino (the Emilia Romagna name has got to go), and Austria. Each track hosts at least three times a decade.
  • Fuck it, we’re running Macau.
  • One oval a year. Not a Bahrain Outer Circuit “hey guys it’s like an oval but actually more in the shape of a squished cheese Danish.” One real oval a year. I recommend starting at Bristol.
  • And lastly, refueling will return….but the drivers must fill the car themselves.

Thanks for reading. It may not actually be the world’s best F1 blog, but I think it’s pretty ok. As thanks for sticking with it to the bottom, enjoy a moment with Bella.

And before you go, here’s one for the road…

 

 

Imola Recap but It’s My Dog – World’s Best* F1 Blog

That was a fun race for teams not clad in silver or red.

The opener of the European season provided a good bit of chaos and shook up the standings a bit ahead of the inaugural Miami GP in a few weeks.

But you watched the race and read what you’re going to read by now. So the real question: what if the race recap was just my dog? I’ve done the necessary work to figure it out and enlisted my one-year-old purebred mutt Bella to assist with the visual aids.

I promise she was rewarded with many scritches, snacks, and a trip to the park for the work she provided.

Max Verstappen

Like Bella enjoying a happy day out at the park, Max’s race on Sunday was a leisurely drive through Northern Italy. An exciting win in the sprint gave way to a dominant lights-to-flag win on Sunday. It was indeed a very lovely Sunday for the world champion.

On a scale of 1-5 good bois it was definitely five good bois for car #1.

Sergio Perez

A cheeky smile for a cheeky driver and a cheeky drive for Checo. The sprint got him up to third, and his drive Sunday was excellent. It’s been wonderful seeing Perez get comfortable in the Red Bull. After being a fan of his for more than a decade, it’s been great seeing him finally get his opportunity with the world watching.

Rating: 5 good bois

Lando Norris

Confident. Strong. An eye towards future success. That was Bella on Easter Sunday and that was Lando at Imola. The future looks bright for the McLarens this year. I’m hopeful Lando finally gets win #1 this year.

Rating: 4.5 good bois

George Russell

Smiling? Sure. Still upside down and unsure of the next move? Yes. It’s always confusion in the morning for Bella, and it’s been confusion for the Mercs this season. George wrangled the car to P4, yet another good finish, but huge problems remain for Mercedes that need solving sooner than later.

An excellent drive, but either the car falls off a cliff or Brackley figures it out this spring.

Rating: 4 good bois

Valtteri Bottas

Look at that dog. Too cool for school.

Look at Valtteri Bottas. Too cool to let contact ruin his day. To whom it may concern, Bottas is here. Bottas is ready to get back on the podium. Bottas is ready to keep picking up the points. Porridge has never been so badass.

Rating: 5 good bois

Charles Leclerc

Everything was set for Charlie to stand on the podium to the adoring cheers of the tifosi. Instead, the Monagasque was bitten with some of his personal Monaco luck a month before the race on the Mediterranean.

It should have been P3 at worst for Leclerc, but instead it was a disappointing P6. Double disappointing with the Bulls owning the weekend.

Bella winces.

Rating: 2.5 good bois

Yuki Tsunoda

Surprise! I think Yuki has finally arrived.

An awesome bounceback race after a dismal showing in Melbourne seemed to show that Tsunoda is ready to make the step up to being a legitimate midfield contender, and maybe even sneak onto a podium.

Here’s hoping to more points for car 22.

Rating: 4.5 good bois

Lewis Hamilton

Here’s Bella stuck in a cage, not of her own making. She’s stuck in the cage because she finds ways to chew on everything in the house when left alone. It’s not intrinsically her fault. She’s young, energetic, and bouncy.

And here is Lewis Hamilton stuck in a terrible car, not of his own making. He’s stuck in the car because Mercedes made numerous mistakes in developing a car to the new regulations. It’s not Hamilton’s fault. The car is young, energetic, and bouncy.

I hope Bella grows out of her muzzle. I hope the Mercedes grows into a championship-worthy car.

Rating: .5 good bois

Carlos Sainz

Rating: no good bois

Thanks for reading. This might not actually be the world’s best F1 blog, but I think it’s pretty ok. And now here’s one for the road….#BrockhamptonForever

 

Modified Season – World’s Best* F1 Blog

Growing up in New England means watching the modifieds in the summer with my dad. I love getting to the short tracks that dot the region and seeing these beautiful bastards tear ass across the ovals.

But the term “modified” comes from the fact that it is heavily modified in relation to a stock car so NASCAR’s lone open-wheel division isn’t about development.

Where the true modifieds lie is here in Formula 1, where a car is never finished and everything can be tinkered with. It makes F1 a radically different racing ecosystem than almost any other series.

Strategy, whether fuel, tire, or setup, can be a fun chess match, but no other series features practices with garden gates attached to cars or parts doused in neon paint.

And with the European season set to begin this week, and teams able to work more from their home base, the development battle is set to go supernova, and I am here for it.

I had forgotten what beautiful carnage development chaos can bring. The last two years were basically the same car and so little was allowed to be changed. Now we have cars with hammocks in the sidepods, cars with no sidepods, and everyone wound up with gills in the sidepods.

Everyone is porpoising (which probably needs a new, more land-based name) and no one can truly solve it. Ferrari is king, could have an even better engine showing up soon, and the million-dollar question is can anyone catch them before it turns into 2002 again.

It’s so much fun and been a breath of fresh air this year.

Last season was an all-timer. It felt like after Max won from pole in Abu Dhabi in 2020 that 2021 would bring a Verstappen-Hamilton duel, and the season did not disappoint.

But now Red Bull is down. Mercedes could be porpoising their way right off the mountaintop. And suddenly the Prancing Horse and its customers are back at the table while Mercedes’ minions can’t get out of their own way or, in Lance’s case, the way of others.

One of the many beauties of F1 is how the concrete never really sets. Upgrades can come at any time for any team and flip the season on its head. With Ferrari looking to be on the precipice of taking the season over, I’m looking forward to seeing how the other teams fight back through the development battle.

Modified season is picking up in New England. Modified season begins this week in Imola. Can’t wait for it.

Thanks for reading. This may not actually be the world’s best F1 blog, but I think it’s pretty ok. Enjoy one for the road…